OPINION: Christmas in Guyana -Drs. Ali, Jagdeo, and Singh style

Last Updated on Friday, 29 November 2024, 8:38 by Writer

By GHK Lall

Excellency Ali, ever the actor and performer, mistakenly took himself for Bing Crosby: “I’m dreaming’ of a White Christmas.’ Let it snow, let it snow. In Guyana, the promise was for $100,000. Somehow, that forecast has turned out to be stormy instead of snowy. Is weh de monee deh, prezzie? It is Dr. His Majesty, Ali’s version of a Guyana-style Christmas.

Into town rode, Dr. Bhar-rat “Blues Boss” Jagdeo, and he holds himself out as Elvis Presley: “Are you lonesome tonight?” A bunch of expectant Guyanese had better be prepared to be. Sorry, there was Barry Jagdeo swiveling around his tongue with “not everyone will get it before Christmas…” Truly, a brigade of Guyanese will be lonesome come Christmas. It is Vice President Jagdeo’s own rendition of “Blue Christmas.” Everyone should see clearly now (like Johnny Nash) why I hold these remarkable Guyanese sons, Ali and Jagdeo, in the high esteem that I do.

Irfaan, the president of fanfare and, if I may, frolic, came out with his grand announcement on October 10th, and since then it has been all Bing Crosby and Elvis Presley (White and Blue Christmas). Everybody, from Ali to Barry to Ashni, assured and reassured all Guyanese that the cash grant process would be simple, easy, and sweet. Forgive me, for sneaking in the latter, without approval. The only national leader who had the good sense to stay far from the Xmas party has been Mohabir Anil, AG.

Ali said that the money is going to be ‘immediately.’ Jagdeo, in his best imitation of Clint Eastwood (For a few dollars more), said five months to deal with the situation. There it was, immediately, really meaning five months (almost half year for some), but Mistah Jagdeo now having the brass face and brass anatomy to tell Guyanese that getting the money in 2025 is good for them. Without exception, with no competition, Christmas is the peak of the Guyanese year, whether believer about the birth in a manger or not. Only a man, a national leader, in the excruciatingly illustrious mold of Jagdeo, could take ‘the most wonderful time of the year’ and persuade locals that 2025 will be more wonderful. Shorten the people now with that promise to sweeten them later. My position has been clear from early. The closer the cash is to elections, the greater the incentive for comrades and citizens to vote RED.

Now up comes, Ashni Singh, another good doctor of Guyana. It is strange that with all these great doctors, so many Guyanese are giving up the ghost. Hope dying. Relief money unplugging. Christmas burying. From one side of his mouth, the great Dr. Singh spoke brightly about making the cash handout process ‘easy and simple’, then from the other side, he vocalized a “two-step” process. He just pulled a two-card stunt on listening Guyanese. Here is my reasoning, folks.

The Guyanese public have seen the annual ordeal that 70,000-plus pensioners endure to collect their precious pension books. At a minimum, it is a half day, for the lucky ones. I remind that that is only for 70,000 old people (like me). So, with the 18-year-old criterion, an educated conclusion is that upwards of 300,000 eligible citizens would first have to register (the erudite Dr. AK Singh) and return to the scene of that crime, the registration site, to collect their check (the inestimable Dr. AK Singh again). Did somebody say that this great citizen was a Guyana scholar? Somebody, please tell me what is ‘easy and simple’ about that two-step waltz that the well-named Dr. AK Singh danced. I am thinking of a singing sensation that fits Dr. AK Singh to a tee, and this one works best: “What kind of fool do you think I am?” It’s from Reginald Pope and the Tams. The process for pension books involving 70,000 pensioners has been a nightmare, but there was Dr. Singh insisting to Guyanese that his 2-step fandango for 300,000-plus cash handout to eligible Guyanese would be smoother and simpler. I forgot to mention that registration and verification involve a photo being taken. I remember that Māori from Kiwi country, John Rowles, lamenting, “If I only had time…”

Because I speak my mind and count Drs. Ali, Jagdeo, and Singh, among my best friends, I have three Christmas messages for them. First, take my photo from the newspapers. Or better yet, retrieve it from the PPP archives in Freedom House and Live in Guyana. C’mon, bruddahs, I am no stranger, but a known character. Second, take that $100,000 and shove it where politeness and the demands of decent citizens inhibit from identifying. Third, consider that a donation from me to the PPP for the 2025 elections. On second thoughts, because the PPP has so much campaign money (most of it dark), it is best for me to take bhai Jagdeo’s advice and collect it in 2025 and give it to the needy. If I give it to the PPP, I am contributing to corruption. In the beginning, Drs. Ali, Jagdeo, and Singh started out with “Here comes Santa Claus” and ended up with “Stevie Wonder’s “Someday at Christmas.” The sweet has become the sad, thanks to Irfaan, Bhar-rat, and Ashni. What was once scintillating is now sour.